Turbo 046
Anglo Satellite & Dilemn
Baguette EP
Front

Release Date:

30/10/2007

VIBES:

It’s not easy to forgive the Vichy collaborator swine for helping Nazis rule Europe for 6 years, and as you might know…we at Turbo are very much against Nazis, in fact we recently refused to release a pretty good demo by a 92 year old “Paraguayan” named Klaus, cuz I just didn’t like his vibe (or his track titles: “I Got Gold (Hidden)” and that killer a-side “Caught! (Can I Get A Passport)”. But enough about Nazis… I was talking about French people. Ok, so they are annoying as hell, and they hate you, and they talk French… BUT they also make amazing luggage and bread. While working on the plans for my new boat, Thomas Von party kept annoying me with “work” things like “we got more demos” and “there is a fire at the office and I think Oliver is seriously burned, he needs help”….so I was like, “OK, any good demos?”. That’s when we noticed two alarming trends: first, most “demo-people” expect replies, second we were getting lots of tracks from frogs. Now before you accuse me of being politically correct, let me explain that a) I speak French, b) I live in a French city and c) while I PREFER Reptiles, I have always had a softspot for amphibians (who as you know need all the help they can get maintaining adequate humidity levels in their skin)  as well. Anyway, the frogtraxx were dope, so dope in fact that I closed my eyes and pretended they were made by English or German speaking people. When that didn’t work I thought “wait a second…..Daft Punk, Voltaire, Gainsbourg, Stomy Bugsy, Ribery… this might just work!!!!!”

Boom, eureka….that my friends is how genius works. enter the mind of me.

Thus, in an instant the “Baguette EP” was born. Sure, I know what you’re thinking: last year Subliminal released the “Sourdough” remix ep and it flopped… why should this Bread-themed single be any better? I’ll tell you why, if you would just let me talk for once……because it’s on TURBO, and as always I PERSONALLY have risked my DJ career and reputation battle-testing these bombs***, and let me share the results:

Aug 8, 2007: Crznkrk Electrotastic Festival in the FRC (Former Republic of Crznkrk) 4.43am…. I “drop” Ghetto Town mid-set and literally the dancefloor catches on fire and the mayor (who is actually pretty fucked up by this point) is forced to assemble the “Fire Riders of Crznkrk” for

The first time in over 300 years (since the Fire of Xbrx in 1678). The party is so “off-the-hook” despite the death toll. Whatever, that’s the price you pay to have the 50th best (DJ mag 2006 results) DJ on the planet rock your party.

You want more?

You want things that really happened???

OK, how about this: every night when I feel my DJ set running out of steam, after I play my own hits… and just when I start to feel “oh fuck… it’s all over for me, I’m gonna have to go back to running a drum n’ bass record shop”…THATS when I drop Les Petits Pilous and boom, all of a sudden it’s back to “wow, this is easy……look they are all screaming my name and begging to touch my hand, its pathetic……..look that girl is getting trampled… maybe I should smile,”

So, get it? Simple, as always… Turbo makes your choices simple:

a) don’t buy this, don’t play a great set, don’t make money and be happy AND all the while support anti-French sentiment, which in turn is spilling over into general tensions between the old and new worlds…..

or:

b) buy this record… make the artists happy, give France back a shred of her dignity, play it at a party, watch the place go nuts, and in the process let me get one step closer to my NetJets membership.

Is that so wrong?

love from montreal

Tiga

 

*** a NOTE about declaring a track a “bomb”. In recent months I have noticed another alarming trend: more and more press-releases (most with a dubious grasp on any known language) are starting to throw around the “bomb” word, declaring their tracks “guaranteed floor fillers” etc….

THEY ARE LYING.

Actually worse than that, they are DELUDED. Let me break it down for you: see, they THINK their tracks are big, because compared to their OTHER releases, they probably are a bit better, maybe an extra reverse snare or something… but they are not BATTLE TESTED. Battle tested is when it works for 60 000 in Argentina AND for a bar mitzvah of 26. OK? and another thing… NEVER TRUST a British press release, they have no idea. No matter what… they NEED to say its “banging, mate”, it’s like they have to say what it’s called, when it comes out and that is “blinding”. I’ll tell you what’s blinding….. LYING. Lie enough and it will make you blind. Turbo sees true and clear.